We Need More Fucking Love
Not romantic love.
Not “this is my boyfriend” love.
Not “we are meant to be together forever” love.
In fact, we probably have too much of that.
We’re sold this lie (among the many others we are sold) that the ideal design for life is getting everything you need — including love — out of one person. They’re supposed to be your best friend, your partner, your lover, your support system.
And then… we neglect all the other ways we could be spreading and receiving love in our lives.
The Love We Overlook
It’s the moment where a friend throws a bid for connection and we could turn toward them… but instead we’re just waiting for our turn to talk.
Or the moment someone at the oil change place wants to shoot the shit with you about his day… and you’re too busy to be human and respond with kindness.
Or when your kid’s teacher has had a shitty fucking day herself and could use a parent genuinely asking how she’s doing… but you’re too focused on your own kid being the center of the universe.
What Even Is Love?
Merriam-Webster defines love as:
-
(1) Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties
-
(2) Attraction based on sexual desire
-
(3) Affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests
According to that definition, we don’t even need to expand the meaning of love in order to have more of it in our lives.
You can feel strong affection for the barista.
Or the grocery store clerk.
Or the overwhelmed college student on the train.
Get the Fuck Out of Your Head
Not only do we need more fucking love — we need to shift the focus of our lives away from ourselves.
Sure, I joke about being the star of The Anjali Show sometimes, but that’s a joke — not how I want to live.
The other day, I pulled over for a teenager and his dog walking in the rain. His car had broken down, and he was walking to get gas. Giving him a ride took less than twenty minutes out of my day — and it absolutely made his. He was looking at over a two-mile walk, in the rain, with his pup. When I drove away, I reminded myself to get the fuck out of my own head more often.
From Gun Violence to Daily Kindness
A few years ago, I wrote a piece for The Huffington Post called
“Yes: It’s About Gun Violence, But It’s Also About How We Treat Each Other.”
In it, I said:
“We also need to have another conversation in this country — maybe even this world — about how we prevent the inception of the crime in the mind of the would-be criminal. The answer isn’t just to fix our gun control laws. It’s to fix ourselves.”
“Our children go to school afraid of being bullied… then spend hours watching reality TV shows where contestants and judges bully each other. We tell our kids to follow their dreams, but we model lives where we hate our jobs, numb ourselves with alcohol, and barely connect with our families.”
“We teach our children to treat others the way they want to be treated, but those same religious teachings are being used to spread hate. We talk about ourselves nonstop on social media, but we can’t be bothered to ask a stranger if they’re okay.”
“The answer can’t be to fix just one or two issues. It has to be an overhaul of the way we live our lives.”
“We talk about shooters and their mental health, but we rarely talk about how everyone feels lost and alone sometimes. Maybe the problem isn’t just mental illness — maybe the problem is a broken world. When our bodies are sick, it’s okay to rest. When will we allow the same for our minds and souls?”
The World Isn’t Getting Better on Its Own
Those words feel truer than ever today.
The world isn’t getting better — not with the possibility of someone like Donald Trump becoming president again. To me, it’s devolving.
And we’re the only ones who can turn the tide.
Being “Not Shitty” Isn’t Enough
Not being racist, or homophobic, or sexist is good.
But it’s not the end — it’s the fucking beginning.
You don’t get a gold star for just not being a terrible person. Be. Fucking. Better.
Why can’t I love someone I just met?
Why can’t I feel a connection with another human just because they’re human?
Why can’t I actively remind myself that life is hard for all of us, and connecting is never a bad thing?
There’s no fucking reason I can’t.
So Today, Here’s to Love.
Not the kind sold in rom-coms or on dating apps.
The kind that lives in everyday moments, quiet kindness, and human connection.
The kind we need a hell of a lot more of.