If I said “wedding night,” what you would think of first?

Sex, of course. If you’re like most people, the first thing you’d think of when I said “wedding night” was “all the fucking.”

And all the fucking, especially wedding night fucking, is really nice – don’t get me wrong.

But it’s not, as you might think, the most important part of the wedding night.

My wedding day, as I’ve discussed before, was perfect. It wasn’t perfect because of just the day itself, it was perfect because of everything that it represented to us as a couple. My husband – then fiance – planned everything just as we both wanted. And he let me be me – which meant staying away from the logistical, boring planning process while I dealt with my emotions surrounding the beginning of our new life.

Our wedding night, however, was even more perfect than our wedding (which, until our wedding night, I didn’t think was possible). You see, our beach wedding happened in the early morning, around 10 AM. We gathered our families on Fort Myers Beach, just outside the town where we met and went to high school, and had a bright and early (and quick!) ceremony. Then, we hung out in a relaxed setting, enjoying the waves, eating vegan tacos, and getting to spend our first married moments with the people we love the most.

As soon as the ceremony and small reception were over, though, we were off!

After the tacos and cupcakes started to die down, we cleaned up the ceremony and headed to our apartment. From there, we grabbed our bags and grabbed our puppy and hit the road. Where to? Orlando, three and a half hours away: a city where I had spent a lovely few years and one that still has a piece of my heart. After a long drive, complete with a couple of stops for junk food and coffee (well, junk food for him and coffee for me, as he was adorably passed out next to me for much of the drive), we checked into our hotel. Then (after some hot sex, of course), we did the most married thing of all: we ordered some Chinese takeout and sat down to watch South Park, naked. While it may sound boring, this part was something I was dying to do: live a real life, down to earth, married moment with my husband.

We also did it, because, well, we knew what craziness was about to ensue.

After some chuckles over South Park and a take-out dinner, we got dressed to go to the crown jewel of our wedding night: a rave! That’s right – we made plans to go to a rave on our wedding night. A relatively popular EDM DJ was due to appear in Orlando that night, at a pretty big venue, and we had decided weeks earlier that it was the perfect thing to do on the night we became husband and wife.

You see, my sweet, perfect husband was already a fan of EDM and raves. I was totally new to the scene, but was introduced to it by him on our first weekend away, about a week and a half into our relationship. I – is this any surprise – loved it. It wasn’t the drugs or the loud music (okay…those were pretty good, too), it was the beautiful subculture of acceptance and peace and living in the moment. The people I met at my first rave were some of the nicest, most genuine, open and accepting people I’d ever met in my entire life. They were also full of life and love. So I couldn’t think of any better emotions to experience on my own wedding night, with my husband!

We had even gotten specific wedding outfits, meant for our rave, to continue celebrating our marriage late into the night, even if it was with strangers and not at a traditional reception like most people have.

And we had an awesome time.

(I’m going to side note here and say that while the people at the Orlando rave were not NEARLY as cool as the people I had met at my first rave, it didn’t matter. What mattered was me and my husband, doing something fun and uniquely ours.)

We danced late into the night, got all sweaty, enjoyed the music, had some really fun talks, and overall, connected in a really special and meaningful way. Because our wedding night was purely US – it was something we created for ourselves and our new marriage.

Of course, we received a few judgy remarks (or at least, I did) from people we knew about going to a rave on our wedding night. Most of those remarks came from people who probably weren’t intending to be rude, but couldn’t understand the desire to go to a crazy, loud, wild concert instead of have a reception with friends and family focusing just on us.

Well, of course we missed our friends and family. But this was the start of our marriage – our crazy, loud, wild one-of-a-kind marriage. The wedding night couldn’t have been celebrated any other way.

And isn’t developing a marriage about writing your own rules? Why shouldn’t the formation of your new life begin simultaneously with your wedding day – instead of having a wedding day for other people and trying to start your real life later?

And the best part was going back to the hotel after the show: exhausted and in love. (Not too exhausted for more delicious sex, though.) And then getting to fall asleep wrapped up and protected in my new husband’s arms.

So what’s the most important part of a wedding night? The same thing that’s the most important part of a wedding: Making it completely, 100% yours and your spouse’s and not giving a fuck what anyone else thinks.