It’s been a while, and I am happy to say, I have missed The LITMO Life.
Like, A LOT.
In any case, I wanted to say hi again and that I hope I’m back. I’m not sure I am back, mainly because I’m still not sure how I am feeling about the blogosphere and all, still (expect a YouTube vid on that soon…maybe?) but I have missed writing!
So today – we’re going to talk about my oh-so-adorable husband and his personal sauna.
Yes, you read that right.
My husband owns a personal sauna. It’s a little, cute box with just enough space for me and him to fit comfortably on the bench (that’s me in the featured photo for this post, lying out on the sauna bench myself because I’m tiny enough to do it!). When he first told me about the personal sauna, I couldn’t really picture it (it was in storage) and I couldn’t imagine why someone would need a personal sauna. That said, now that we’ve taken it out of storage and have it in our apartment, it’s one of my favorite things.
I obviously like it because saunas are fun: It’s actually really nice to just sit in the heat relaxing and sweating. I also like it because it’s a chance to get naked with my husband and I take those opportunities every time I can!
In fact, when we first started getting in it, it was hard not to immediately jump to having sex (i.e. we didn’t really try not to have sex and ended up just fucking in the sauna or leaving it for our bed). It may sound kind of weird, but there’s something about the heat and the sweat that feels super sexy – Jonathon couldn’t help but take some pictures of me the first few times in the sauna (hence, the image for this post).
But also, I discovered it wasn’t just about the sexiness – I like it because it’s like our own personal bubble away from the world and everything we usually do: You can’t take your phones inside, you can’t really take a book inside unless you want the pages to get warped from the heat and your sweat, you can’t take a Kindle or anything else inside for the same reason as your phone. It’s a cool little break from real life, that’s tucked away perfectly in our place.
Even better: when we’ve been getting in the hot box, all we’ve done is just sit and talk. Now, in general, talking is one of our favorite things to do: Whether it’s at the end of the day on the couch bullshitting about what happened or whether it’s on a Saturday afternoon lying in bed and fucking and talking about the world and life, we love to connect with each other through our chatter. e
So, on one of our last trips to the sauna, we started talking about how I feel about blogging and Youtubing and the Internet and life generally. That’s a lot of information to pack into one conversation, I know, but we spent over an hour in the sauna together. Before talking to him that day, I hadn’t realized that I was starting to feel really nihilistic about everything – which is where I still am.
I have been feeling, for the past month or more, very “what’s it all for?” about things. Why do I write? Why do other people write? Why do I like YouTube? Why do other people? What does it matter if I believe something and share it – or if I believe something and keep it to myself? What’s the thing we’re all striving for that we can’t really put a finger on?
For me, that day, talking to him, I was able to pinpoint it better than before. You see, I’d always had thoughts of writing a novel or having a TV show or doing something generally to be in a position to influence the world for better – to talk to people every day about how the only thing that matters is our love for our fellow humans and animals. I never really knew what my “calling” was or would be (if I even had one) but I knew it would involve all the things that mattered to me: human rights, animal rights, equality, love, etc.
Being with a man who has a very clear calling, it’s become even clearer to me that if anything, my only true “calling” is freedom. All I do is yearn for complete and total freedom: the freedom to get up every morning and spend my day with my husband exactly how I want. The freedom to stop working entirely, the freedom to explore new things every day and live the life I want.
That’s not just about traveling – it’s about a way of living that doesn’t normalize being tied to what we “should” do and instead normalizes what we “want” to do.
It’s been harder and harder for me to care about “the perfect social media strategy” or “how to design your Pinterest to get more followers” or “how to make a lot of money as a solo practitioner.” It all seems super like a bunch of useless bullshit.
It’s about realizing that we’re all plugged in. We all buy the myth that going to school, then maybe more school, then getting a good job, then getting married, then buying a house, then having kids and doing it all until you die, suffering under the weight of a mortgage, car debt, school debt, medical expenses and everything else designed to keep us in the system, is the best way to live. We think it’s “lucky” to chase an intentionally-designed life, but really maybe it’s just what we should all be striving for.
Some people think it’s crazy that I quit my lucrative job to travel full-time a year ago. Some people think it reeks of privilege. But I just think it’s something that I had to at least try. In fact, I think it’s crazy that some people never question why they spend 8-10 hours in one location every single day or that they never question the “steps” they’re supposed to take in life or that they never question if there’s a different way. Not a WEALTHIER way, not the PERFECT way – just a different way.
It may reek of privilege to some, but at this point, I’m so convinced of my need for freedom that I’m happily looking at saving some money over the next year to build a very tiny house to live with my husband, our pup, and our kitty, just to get away from being locked in a system that values being in debt for your entire life so you can have a nice place to live and buy nice things. I’d rather live in a tiny little space, not take on any more debt than the debt acquired just from living life and being a professional, and be free.
It was nice to share all of that with him, in a vacuum-sealed conversation. It was even better to get his thoughts on all of it, too. Although it had been coming for a while, I don’t think I fully realized how “over it” all I was feeling until I had some total quiet, uninterrupted time with the love of my life. Even journaling wasn’t really helping a lot – I really needed his brain to bounce ideas off of.
Not only that, but the nudity involved in a personal sauna is so freeing and so vulnerable. I felt like it made us even MORE open to new ideas than we otherwise wouldn’t be because we weren’t in this ironed, perfect environment of a dinner table or a date out. And though we love traveling and going to music festivals together and doing other wild things, those things bond us more because they are new experiences, not because they are totally vulnerable, naked, hot boxes where we can close ourselves away from the world and just talk.
So, in conclusion, so far, I haven’t figured out how to get to my place of total freedom, but I’m working on it. And it’s nice to have a partner with which to work on it – someone that feels the same way about getting out of the stupid systems we’ve all designed for ourselves and the ones we’ve come to accept as law.
Although having a personal sauna might not be realistic for everyone, I was happy I got to try it with my husband. The title of this post is obviously tongue-in-cheek, but for married couples, I think it’s important to have a totally locked-away space with no distractions to talk as much as you want – and if you can be naked while you do it, even better. For us, it’s our sauna (that we’re definitely not selling until we actually move into the tiny house!). For you and your spouse, it might be something else, but the key is to remember that your marriage bubble is the best place in the world to be.