I’m a traveler. And a nomad. And an eleutheromaniac.
And yet, I find myself currently with a desire to sit still for a moment.
Am I just a basket of contradictions? Yes, but I’ve also realized that’s okay. Because I crave novelty over stability and what I want changes on a minute by minute basis.
When I was a kid, I used to hate that I was so capricious. Now, though, I kind of love it. It keeps life interesting.
So back to wanting to sit still. After traveling around the States for six months and then being abroad for three and a half weeks before I came back for the holidays, I realized that while I was somewhat dreading coming back to the States, I’m actually kind of relishing the opportunity to just sit still. Scratch that: I’m relishing the opportunity to sit still, work hard, and save up some money.
See, I just decided to go back to the practice of law – on my own terms. I wasn’t sure exactly how it would go but I suspected that I would like it more than working at a law firm, because I’d be working for myself. And the truth is, I love it!! I am having a great time meeting clients, getting back to doing the intellectual property work that I love (for small artists and business owners, instead of for huge corporations) and I’m enjoying my temporary schedule of hanging out at my parents house with my sister and puppy while I spend my days working really hard.
And I’ve discovered why I love it: because it is on my own terms. Because someone else isn’t telling me to get up and go into an office for ten hours a day – I can choose myself to work 10 hours a day. Or I can work one. Or I can work none. I’m responsible for myself and my work – with no one babysitting me – and it finally fits. I think I’m enjoying sitting in one place and working my ass off right now because it’s my choice.
I think that’s the key with so many of our lives: it may not be that we’re necessarily unhappy doing the things we’re doing – it may be we’re unhappy with other people directing our lives. Maybe we’re not all eleutheromaniacs, like me, but we all probably need more freedom than we’re getting with our modern 9-5 lifestyles. It’s fucking infuriating being an adult and being told where to be when, instead of just being trusted to do your job in the best way and time possible.
I don’t anticipate that I will love sitting still for long, but right now, it’s really working for me. In fact, I booked my ticket to Havana for about two weeks from now and while I’m looking forward to getting back on the road, I’m also anticipating feeling a little sad to leave the small routine of lots of work I’ve developed here.
It turns out, it’s possible for almost anything (and everything) to make me happy: it just has to be my choice.