A few weeks ago, I mentioned that one Monday before our wedding, my own personal superhero Jonathon blew off his beginning-of-the-week plans to come over and naked tie dye with a freaked-out bride (me). I also promised that you’d hear about it later. Well, it’s later now so let’s talk about getting married and getting naked!
(I’m going to pause here to make sure you know I will not be not sharing naked photos…today. Maybe a different day. If you must close the window and move on, I understand. But be warned: you may miss future updates for nudity.)
That Monday, I had no idea what I wanted. I just knew that I was nervous and needed him. When he got here, I still wasn’t sure what I wanted of him, but we had had in the back of our minds that we would tie dye his shoes together at some point before the wedding. The truth is, I’m not exactly sure how it turned into naked tie dyeing, but it did. And it was awesome.
You see, I’m a big fan of nudity. When it comes with sex, it’s obviously a huge bonus, but I also just like the idea of being without clothes as much as possible. The hippie in me thinks that clothes are a stupid, societal construct and that we were born naked so we may as well get used to our own nudity as well as each others’. The logical side of me just thinks it’s more comfy to be naked.
So naked tie dye we did. He stripped down completely and I ditched everything but my tiny g-string of a thong. And then we started prepping the tie dye space. I already had a plastic sheet laid down from working on my dress earlier (more on that later, too!) so we figured out some colors he might want to use on his shoes and a shirt that he had brought over. Then we got to work! In the middle of it, he realized that his boxers were white and he wanted to tie dye those too, so we did (I got to write “Anjali” on the butt of my husband’s boxers and it was amazing). And it was an incredibly fun afternoon, filled with bonding and closeness.
Now, of course, naked tie dyeing wasn’t the only reason that my freak-out calmed down. A lot of it had to do with the sensitivity of my husband and his ability to listen to me and relate to me, even if he wasn’t feeling what I was feeling. But the naked tie dye definitely helped! It was, in a way, a vulnerable experience, but one that didn’t feel vulnerable as it was happening. When you’re naked and tie dyeing, you’re not exactly looking your best. You’re twisting and contorting and getting dye all over. But you’re also having fun with your partner!
I could lie and say our naked tie dye session didn’t lead to fucking. But of course, it did. Multiple rounds. But that wasn’t the goal of the afternoon – the goal was to connect in a new, fun way. So in that vein, I wanted to share some thoughts I got out of the experience (and other naked experiences we’ve had together) on ways to have fun in a marriage!
1. Get naked.
This is clearly a no-brainer, because this entire post is about nudity. If you want to have more fun in your marriage, get naked more! Please note: I am not talking about fucking more, though that is obviously a perfect way to have more fun in your marriage, as well. I am just talking about getting naked more! Throw your clothes off in a situation you normally wouldn’t: watching a movie on the couch or cooking or even folding laundry. Let yourself be totally open and free with your spouse – you’ll be pretty fucking amazed at how close you feel doing so.
2. Do something new.
If you haven’t tried naked tie dyeing, I highly recommend it. But even if naked tie dyeing isn’t your thing, you can still find a new, fun activity to do with your partner, in the privacy of your own home. What many people don’t realize or don’t place enough emphasis on is that novel activities make you feel exhilarated and increase neural activity. If tie dye isn’t your jam, pick a different craft project – one you’ve never tried. Or create something useful together, like a quilt. Or play a new board game. Do something new and different to continue stimulating yourself and therefore, continue stimulating your marriage.
3. Do something old…in a new way.
Okay…so this one may be more about sex than my other points. Along with doing something new to help stimulate your brain and your marriage, try doing something old, in a new way. That was our first time naked tie dying, but since then, we’ve tie dyed on other occasions – new things (like our sheets) with new designs. Although we might be doing the same activity, we’re finding ways to make it more fun each time. This, of course, is true of sex, as well! When you decide to get married, you go in knowing that you will be having a lot of sex with that person for the rest of your life. In a traditionally monogamous marriage (which ours is not), you go in knowing you will ONLY have sex with that one person for the rest of your life. That makes it even more critical to continue reinventing the wheel when it comes to sex! Despite that we’re nonmonogamous and plan to swing and explore with others, I still want to make sure that sex continues to be fun and interesting and awesome for the both of us. This includes things like: greeting him at the door in a transparent slip, asking him if he wants to do naked yoga in our living room, and even, on one occasion, placing bets on a minigolf game where the loser….well, you get the idea.
4. Throw something dirty on in the background.
Yes, I mean porn. People feel different ways about porn – I accept this – and the porn industry is by NO means perfect, especially for women. That said, if you happen to be into (responsible) porn, try being into it with your partner. If you aren’t, try making your own. Yes – I’m serious! You don’t have to film a YouTube video, downloadable for all. You just need one private device (hell, buy an old camcorder) for some fun movie-making with your partner. Not only will you have fun making the actual movie, but it’ll be perfect to throw on in the background on your next naked event night! You don’t have to even be actively watching it to be having fun getting turned on with your partner. You may get super engrossed in whatever activity you are doing (like tie dye) but you may also need a break at some point and when you do…
5. Set some rules.
Dirty rules. I don’t mean set rules like, “One of us will do the dishes and one of us will make dinner.” I mean rules like, “One of us gets tied up and the other isn’t allowed to touch,” or “One of us gets to kiss anywhere we want and the other of us gets to touch anywhere we want but with no reciprocity” or even “One of us is the librarian and one of us didn’t pay our late fees.” Get creative. The whole point of being married is having a best friend for life, isn’t it? How much better is it if that best friend is one you are wildly attracted to that you get to fuck as often as possible, for as long as possible, with as much creativity as possible?
6. Find inspiration.
Inspiration for nudity, I mean. Loading the dishwasher? Try loading it in a thong. Watching a courtroom drama on a Wednesday night? On the next commercial break, try changing into a blazer and some glasses, with nothing on underneath. Find inspiration for your nakedness anywhere you can! I do – and I love it (and I suspect my husband does, too). Marriage isn’t about finding someone that is forced to love you forever because they signed a document with the state. It’s about GETTING to love someone forever because they picked you, too, and having fun with them every step of the way.
7. Don’t be afraid to ask.
For the things that you want. Or the things that you aren’t sure that you want. Or the things that you want to talk about. Healthy communication isn’t just a general marriage staple – it’s a necessary sex staple! It’s no fun if you’re having plain old boring vanilla sex just because you are too scared to communicate. Your spouse should be the person you trust most in the world, the person you can tell anything to. Ask for what you want (naked) – and then get excited to receive!
In case I haven’t made it clear in this blog, I think nudity is awesome. Especially when it leads to fun, naked time with your spouse.
And yes, I accept that I might sound nuts, but before you judge, go ahead and schedule a naked tie dye session with your spouse…then come back and tell me whether you’re happy to be called nuts, too. 🙂